(Note: A different topic is presented each month discussing ways
to use the mind for better health and improved quality of life.)

Soldiers of Suffering

Occasionally we hear about someone who has suffered through pain or other debilitating effects of an illness without complaint. “No one ever knew how much he suffered.” “She always had a smile.” “He kept his troubles to himself.” “She endured terrific pain but never complained.”

Good soldiers.

They bear their burdens themselves, not sharing with anyone. They are praised and admired for their ability to suffer well. As if there were great nobility in suffering quietly.

But most of us are not able to bear our sufferings so well. We may become frightened, depressed or irritable. We talk about how we feel.

People do recognize that these “good soldiers” are exceptional. But there is a message in the praises of such exceptional persons that this should be the standard for us all. We are weak and should aspire to be so strong.

If this is the standard, then there will be consequences for not achieving it. We fear disclosing illness at work, where we know we will be watched for lapses in performance. We fear conversing with others when we are irritable, for we may be judged to be difficult personalities. We fear showing anxiety or tears, because others may think we only want attention. People misjudge us because they avoid getting close to illness, pain and disability. It could ruin their day.

Aspire to be good soldiers. Suffer without complaint. So others will not have to join in the suffering.

Good soldiers of suffering allow those of us who are well to continue our routine without interruption. They allow us to keep our distance when closeness becomes too uncomfortable. They allow us our bliss of ignorance regarding such harsh realities of life.

Good soldiers of suffering relieve observers of the duty to respond, to help or otherwise be supportive. Good soldiers continue to take care of us even in their pain. Even when they are not receiving the care they need.

Occasionally, we know of someone who is not afraid to interrupt their routine for someone who is suffering. This is a person who will ask “How are you today?” and listen for the answer. This person may become informed about the illness or disability as a way of being supportive. This person will try to find some small way to be helpful by checking with the one who is ill or disabled to find out what would be appreciated.

A different kind of soldier.

This type of soldier is not ill or in pain, but will stand alongside those who are. These soldiers are not helpless or immobilized by fear. They accept suffering as part of living and dying. They accept no stigma about where the suffering should be seen or how they should behave.

Setting a different standard.

As the baby boomers enter their 40’s and 50’s, more of them will develop chronic health problems and physical limitations. Now is the time for those who are brave enough, who have sufficient confidence in themselves, to speak out against the standard of the “good soldier” medical patient.

 

Medical Counseling Center
7220 W. Jefferson Avenue, Suite 307
Lakewood, CO 80235

Phone: 303-984-1095

Email: mcc1hild@comcast.net